Friday, June 6, 2014

Looking Back and Envisioning Ahead

June 2014 marks a year of the “Chinese Mormon Girl” project.
It was year of joy, mourning, and spiritual & intellectual rebirth.
A year ago, I was very lost in my direction. Thinking differently, being
a liberal devoted Mormon while embracing postmodernism +
feminism created a whole new identity crisis. Academically, I was
struggling for a breakthrough, stretching, and exploring creatively in a
culture that embraced conformity.

Little did I know, I had to endeavor some spiritual hardship to grow,
and comprehend Heavenly Father’s plan. 

It all began with two non-conformers wanting to be the change. It all
started in the summer of 2012 when Grace interviewed me for her
thesis. I had already changed and headed out to the gym but
somehow I felt strongly about returning for the interview. For a few
hours, we chatted about the Chinese Mormon culture and it blew my
mind wild opened knowing I wasn’t the only one (thinking and feeling
that way). 

Then came Spring+ Summer of 2013 with a bunch of crazy friends
hiking and going on adventures while getting into in depth discussions
on Church doctrine and culture. In my heart, I felt that stirring which
eventually fueled me sharing my thoughts and struggles. I wished and
dreamed that all outliers in the Church could feel the pure love of God
through members, leaders regardless of their circumstances. 

It’s a very emotional moment looking back and measuring our growth
in the past year. The blog has been presented at a national
conference at UC Berkeley.  Grace graduated with her master’s and
so did I. We have remained strong and faithful in spiritual turmoils and
holding on to our beliefs. 

When my advisor notified me that I would be award with distinction for
my master’s, a lot of memories flashed back in my mind. I saw the
faces of people whom predicted my failure because of my
weaknesses. I vividly saw a friend whom reminded me who I was and
inspired me to be my best self. I felt the warmth of your constant
support and comments for us and the blog. We made it.  

In Doctrine and Covenant 88:42-44, we are taught that there is no
wrong timing in God’s plan. Things and people fall into the right place
according to His plan and I am a witness of that remarkable concept
of time. 

In two months, I will begin the next chapter of my life and starting my
doctoral degree in Counseling Psychology at BYU (and hopefully
doing tons of cultural and gender studies). I am truly grateful for the
mindfulness of the Lord and the wondrous opportunities helping and
shaping me to be me. All I wish and dream for is living up to His
expectations and the vision Heavenly Father had when He created me.
That will be the real me.
Just me. 


1 comment:

  1. Way to go! Keeping up a regular blog for a year can be daunting. I can feel your sense of accomplishment through this post. Good luck on the next chapter in life!