Speaking with silence

Nephi’s example has always been the way I navigate my life. In 1 Nephi 4:6-7, he said, “And I was led by the Sprit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do. Nevertheless I went forth……”  I have learned to stop asking for justifications or demand to see the outcome but just go and do it. Occasionally, I will get to see mighty miracles and be super thankful for the unexpected guidance and sometimes I have no idea of the reasoning behind neither the prompting nor the effect it may bring. That doesn’t bother me at all.

What bothers me and hurts me the most is people challenging the authenticity and validity of my inspiration and using worldly logic to doubt or even judge my action. That frustration was one of the most difficult lessons I tried learning as a missionary and it is still a patience-testing trial for me at this stage of life. I may seem caving in for not speaking up in this instance but I have chosen my stand a long time ago.

President Boyd K. Packer counseled: “I have learned that strong, impressive spiritual experiences do not come to us very frequently. And when they do, they are generally for our own edification, instruction, or correction. Unless we are called by proper authority to do so, they do not position us to counsel or to correct others. I have come to believe also that it is not wise to continually talk of unusual spiritual experiences. They are to be guarded with care and shared only when the Spirit itself prompts you to use them to the blessing of others” (Ensign, Jan. 1983, 53).

Explaining my revelatory process and describing my promptings in details won’t help because it is not my place to disclose them as a way to prove myself right. It’s neither about scoring points nor taking credits. All I want is being an instrument in His hand and be there and available at the right time with the right skill sets.

Feeling furious last night, I spent my time on a treadmill reflecting my plans and feelings. Instead of telling you exactly what has gone south which inspired this post, I have this calm and feeling of gratitude for people who have been trusting me. My awesome friends with or without a similar ideology/religion have been by my side and never doubting my decisions even when I get absolutely cold feet. Thank you for the inspiring conversations, shared reading materials, and your genuine care.  I think I’ll get through the next 10 months alright :)

K.D.