Friday, April 3, 2015

Because He Lives

Because He Lives

Going through something difficult changes every aspect of you.
Last week was the first time in a whole year when I woke up without
feeling that despair. It was an amazing feeling when I knew my life was as
messy as it could get yet recognizing the absence of weariness.

1 year of hard work
1 year of recovery

Looking back the choices, the paths I have taken,
I still don’t regret any of them.
During the most excruciating moment,
I ached, doubted, questioned wondering the purpose of it all.

I remembered the nights when I cried in my prayers, pleading and
begging for relief yet waking up the next morning drowning in fear. The
fear of never getting better, the fear of those false accusations becoming
a fragment of reality. 

What gives me courage to keep fighting this fight is the reassuring love
I’ve felt. My family, my best friends, my new priesthood leaders, and many
who still stands by me and has not shrunk in the presence of my
struggles, my sufferings. Most importantly, the overwhelming love and
care I’ve felt through priesthood blessings, temple worship. My trials have
not been removed nor my experience was erased however the atonement
of Jesus Christ has made the pain a little more bearable. 

Because He Lives, He understands how I feel and He willingly suffers on
my behalf.

Because He Lives, my burdens are made light.

Because He Lives, I have the confidence to experience difficulties in life
even though I may break, I may be hurt knowing with 100% confidence
that I can also be healed.

My wise friend once shared this brilliant concept about faith. He pointed
out that God operates on faith just as much as we do. He loves us and He
wants us back however He allows us to learn and grow through
exercising agency. While having access and control to all elements, time,
He compels no one. 

Looking at my scares, both emotional and spiritual ones, I am grateful for the
growth through this difficult experience. The values, beliefs, I hold true to
my conviction, to the contrary, root even more deeply in the midst of
chaos. It is evident in my research, academic work, and clinical practice. 

Because He Lives, I can finally offer my gratitude.
“Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down.”

Thus we in gratitude recall
And give our love and pledge our all,
Shed grateful tear
And conquer fear.
—The Easter Morn, Hymn #198


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