As your fellow meaning seeking animal, I understand how we easily turn to self-blaming or switch to the solution generation mode when questions, troubles, and doubts surface. It is my intention to share a comforting advice I have once received taking a moment to cope and process. I promise you it will be alright however it may turn out.
I still remembered that cold February night when I walked out of the airport one last time with my missionary name tag pinned on my coat (upon completing a LDS mission). The thrill of seeing my beloved family was soon inundated with fear of returning to a normal life. For eighteen months I spent my time in selfless service loving and helping people I have come to identify as family. The thought of ending that time was overwhelming nonetheless I held myself together through the release interview.
I thought I was doing fine. I began working and also went on my first date in 18 months. 15 minutes into the date, I knew I was in trouble. The missionary finding method of knocking on every door or leaving no stone unturned did not quite work in dating. I wished someone would have told me that instead of “Don’t be a snob and give everyone a chance.” I could sense the anxiety in us as we both sat up straight in the movie theater as two newly returned missionaries, so lost, and so frightened.
More and more awkward moments came and I found myself crying to sleep every night. Perhaps I was finally mourning for the end of that amazing 18 months but mainly for what seemed to be a never-ending perplexity encircling me. One evening trembling under my blanket with my face soaked in tears, I felt this comforting feeling placating my troubled soul. It was a reassuring feeling saying, “Breath. It’s okay. It’s going to be alright.”
Of course life did not immediately transform to a happily ever after but I have come to appreciate the confusion, loss of direction, and uneasiness which eventually leads to a new, a happier direction every time. Please understand that you are so loved by your Heavenly Father and don’t quite on Him just yet. Keep breathing, and things do work out. It takes time, effort, and learning but it does work out. As my heroic cowboy looking bishop once said, “We may sit here and just cry for hours but if you leave my office today leaning one step closer to Christ, I take it as a good day.” I share the same thoughts and feelings with you. We can rejoice, study, and even cry over whatever issues we discuss here on the blog. If you leave our blog feeling uplifted or leaning one step closer to Christ, I too take it as a good day.