The ONE syndrome

5 weeks of studying contemporary family and marriage issues went by in a blink of an eye. For my final paper, I have chosen to write about my philosophical stand in the postmodern band and a common ideology in the Mormon culture which I am sure you are familiar with, the ONE. Well, my concern is that we are judging the value of relationship solely by its outcome and reinforcing it without knowing.

Relationship has such an interesting dynamic. It can vary from person to person yet yielding a commonality of a desire of connection. What I have been noticing is the hidden social discourse of “predestined love” among the Mormon culture and how it influences the value we impose of relationship.

Let's give you an example. Why would the feeling of shame surface when a relationship ended? Feeling miserable because he/she isn’t the ONE? Timing isn’t right? Location is all messed up? Perhaps we have all asked these questions and I am curious to know why. As soon as we place a value on relationships, we crown the end of relationship with a negative connotation then attributing it to all sorts of justification (feeling shame, guilt, not good enough, etc……).

As a postmodernist, these values go straight down the drain for me yet it is affecting so many of my friends. The suffocation, anxiety, and fear of believing "this is not the ONE=it sucks" is paralyzing their ability to enjoy normal socialization. How can we ever oversimplify a relationship and draw out a presumptuous conclusion declaring the worth of a relationship based on its consequence?

In D&C 122:7, experiences are clearly taught to be for our own benefit and so are relationships. No one can ever leave a relationship and still be identical to the person as it starts. We learn and grow which literally transforms us whether it is good or bad. It provides meanings and teaches us valuable lessons on how and who to love. Once we can see through these value judgments, we gain a renew sense of appreciate to relationships that have been brought to an end and anticipate the next exciting journey.

Marianne Williamson said, “We are not held back by the love we didn’t receive in the past, but by the love we are not extending in the present.” 

K.D.