Eternal quest of “ultimate” happiness

        Ever since I was a little girl, I was taught that my happily ever after meant getting married in the temple. Like any other little girls, I dreamed and dreamed about that amazing day when I finally got to wear that shinny white gown kissing the coolest guy in tux as we walked out of the temple. However, the older I grow, the more questions arise. What does that happily ever after mean? What contributes to that “ultimate” happiness?

        It has taken me quite some time to figure out that legendary happily ever after does not magically begin from the wedding. Getting married in the temple implies a man and woman entering into a covenant with God promising for eternity (D&C 132). As the nature of the covenant and its promise blessings are immutable for every couple, the degree of happiness depends upon the quality of relationship and the person whom we choose.

        It all boils down to the ideology of an ideal marriage which we choose who we date and who we marry with accordingly. We interact with different people and find out who we are attracted to then pursue the relationship further. Meanwhile, we weight that happiness and try capturing a vision of the future being with that person to see if that’s truly what we desire.         

        Pardon me if I sound harsh now. While each of us are striving and reaching for our ultimate happiness, may we respect each other’s agency and decision with greater sensitivity? Getting married and building an eternal family is not a race and it certainly is not a competition. We do not and SHOULD NEVER impose our preference or definition of that “ultimate happiness” on others. Lucretius stated clearly that what was food to one, was to others bitter poison. IT IS OKAY TO CHOOSE and I hope you will choose because you deserve to be happy! Don’t marry the guy if you don’t love him that much. Don’t keep dating the same guy if you don’t feel right about the relationship. Be courageous and choose what you love!

        I understand the pressure from the mainstream Mormon culture as I am your fellow single sister with a BYU degree and a full-time mission experience. From time to time, I will have kindhearted church members challenging my priorities and attempting to evaluate my social life. I admit it; sometime it’s easy to question what I’ve done wrong doubting the Lord’s timing just like the older brother of the prodigal son. Come to think of it, I appreciate all the sorrow, hardships, and disappointments in my life because they have made me a more compassionate person/friend/therapist with the ability to empathize with others. I know with surety that those lessons are for my own good and learning.

　　So, I still dream about and hope for that miraculous day marrying the love of my life for time and for all eternity. The picture becomes clearer and clearer each day as I get to know myself more and what that ultimate happiness truly means to me. Sometimes it still seems like I will never get there but most of the time I recognize the choices I have made and with a silly smile knowing I am only getting closer.

K.D.